TheWalkingSlaughterHouse
12-21-2012, 01:42 AM
Let me tell you all of an incredible moment of my life that happened this fall. We've all had times of clarity, and pure adrenalin, that plays like a frame in a movie, over and over.....that, is how I will recount this story. When something happens so fast, that moments seem like hours, and days seem like seasons....this is one of those glimpses in time, I will remember forever.
I'll start at the beginning...I woke up this morning, and thought I would whet a line. You know relax, and enjoy my time away from the world. I was on day 4 of a 10 day fly in hunting trip into the coastal mountains of British Columbia. I had twisted my ankle on day 3, and decided I would take a couple days to relax and maybe catch that kokanee of my dreams.
All of a sudden my rod twitched slightly...was it coincidence or just another fish? Assuming it was the first of the two...I reached up and grabbed one of the many hanging icicles above....not the biggest by any means, but I never was one that felt that I had to compensate for anything! Slamming it down into my Princess Leia insulated mug, that I aquired at burger king in 1984, (I remember because I was 4 years old), I mixed myself a drink. A stiff one at that! Story of my Life....
Gina was still sleeping off the night before in her sleeping bag in the back of the cave.
The morning sun glistened. The large icicles hanging off the mouth off the cave I had spent the night in. I lay back on the jagged edge of my temporary home I had chosen the night before.....fortunate for me, I was not the one who had to spend the night on my back!
Looking into the dense and snow filled forest, the hair on my neck stood erect....I thought back to my last trip, hunting the mountains with my ex, Allison!
I looked around, everything seemed tranquil and quiet. Like when I told Alison that that I had slept with her sister quiet. That's when I heard a twig snap.....
All of a sudden there was a cougar in my face. It actually reminded me of the last time I was in Yale town. My suspicion was more than slightly aroused.
I gawked down at the icicle I was stirring my drink with. A weapon ?? I pondered? The half empty 60 pounder sitting next to me...could that be used to beat it over the head? I was actually concerned most of all about my vintage star wars mug. If that was damaged or compromised in any sort of way, I would be back to ground zero (popularity) at the next big convention
Luckily, I had my trusty open sited 30-30, however, this cougar was all over me. Up in my business
Unlike most cougars I had dealt with in my time, I knew this cougar was not going to be afraid of the calibre and size of my gun!!! I had zeros worries about getting some weird itch. I just wanted to leave with my life!
This cougar was very different. It was long and lean. Not like your regular cougar, you know the one I mean. The kind that reminds you of willie Nelsons face, with a bad hangover, and its tongue hanging out. With really bad breath.
I was worried. I mean my life was flashing before me.
Falling out of the bunk bed as a kid.....My brother, pushing me out of the tree fort.....Asking my first date to the spring fling dance and being rejected.....being denied and not making the high school chess club.....My dad taking my big brother for a camping trip, without me.....the time I asked out my first love and being laughed at....
I was frozen, not really knowing what to do. I could smell this cougars breath.... I had never seen a cougar in the wild. Now that it was with in spitting distance I was surprisingly still. I literally was almost dumbfounded. Or I was drunk still.... It was early in the day though. Maybe it was my alcohol enriched blood stream from the night before. Either way, I was definitely in a real pickle.
It was the taste of blood in my mouth that awoke me to the realization that my life was in serious peril, I am not sure how many of you have ever been in a situation that made you, honest-to-goodness fearful for your life or well being but this was the real thing. I had memories flood relentlessly of ex-girlfriends torturing me to the point that i had wished death; I had survived the many nights of discussion filled, back pedalling, after confessing sleeping with Allison's sister. It's true, I had been to the wall, i had seen the bottom, but this was far different.
I reached up behind my left ear as I was forced to the ground, WET.... Wet was what I felt, the struggle took nothing in reality, in fact it had just begun, but please remember I was floating through seconds as if they were taking chunks of my young life to play out in front of me. I knew I needed to defend as much as try to establish a decent offence with this toothy beast. Where is my gun? What about a knife? I needed a weapon, it was time to go all in, in fact - you really have no idea what you will consider as a weapon until you have a large cougar listing heavily off your left side. I honestly had a fleeting thought that the elastic band from my new Haines underwear might make a good choking noose to tame the feline into a nerveless corpse. Wait, thats it....
If any one studied Cougars...they would know they prey on the young....however the one thing this Cougar didn't know, was that I was in the prime of my life!!
I was pinned!! My only defense was the steel from my flask, and the strap from my underwear! My Star wars collector cup lay motionless to my side! Thoughts of Luke SkyWalker losing his left arm entered my mind! I was doomed!! But then I remembered Obi Wan Kenobi's words....."Luke use the force"!!!
In a moment unlike anything I had experienced until that point of my life, I felt clarity. My right hand found my grandfathers boot knife, the very same knife he spat words over, "This could save your life, never be without it!"
My grandfather was an old stone mason, the brand on my arm reflects everything he worked for - sweating and toiling for years. Quick mind impressions of the chisel and hammer, not outstanding the grand images that came to mind normally describing the tools I labour with downstairs. It was now or never, never meaning I would not take another breath. Instinct took over, it wasn't something I could ask to think about and make a game plan, I feel it was more like a Babe Ruth pointing from home plate in 1932 towards the north pole...this ball was out of here.
I plunged Ol' Hank Johnson's boot knife, with all the fleeting force I had within me, into the dark bush ridden vastness behind me, blindly hoping it would reach its mark, not unlike a youthful William Tell as the arrow split true through the apple upon his head.
What kind of apple? What sort? Granny smith obviously. The type where if your best friend jumps off a bridge....ya know, commitment.
Back to the riddling tale of surprise. I was pinned under a cougar. A real live cougar. One with pointed teeth, and rather flattened files ripping forward at 2900 feet per second, (with each hand). I was definitely concerned.
I am a pretty competitive fighter. Sometimes I'll fight just because someone on HBC says my story seems unbelievable. (my address is: 90088 209a Street, Langley BC) if you want to try it. Even after a few beers I wouldn't even be willing to fight myself. I wouldn't even punch myself at this point. Listen......have you ever been in a bass fishing tour at Shawnigan Lake BC over on the island? That is the sort of jingle that jangles my boat keys.
So what else could I do....I lost my shtuff... I wound up like Popeye, twirling my fist 6 wind ups in the air. I moved my fist into the garage of that cougars face.
This Cougar was clearly rattled....Reminded me of the day i had lost my belief in Vampires....I had then realized that that bitch or Tommy was done for - I had the upper hand now, a tiger by the tail, so to speak. What would you do? Release or look for vengeance the choice was simple, I could be the lamb or I could be the lion. If not for the searing memory of my favorite Bo Derek velvet poster hanging proudly on the wall above my teenage bed, I would not have chosen the latter.
My hands moved faster than Muhammad Ali as he worked over Joe Frasier in the Thrilla in Manilla. This magnificent cat was lights out. I victoriously crumpled into a lifeless body resembling my ex-girlfriend Sasha after relations plied with copious booze. (Which also arouses me, even now as I write this) I had finally defeated it.
However, the beast was only stunned.
It staggered with a look of death in its eyes. Towards the leaning tree on the river bank, pulling its massive frame up the tree it climbed up and onward. Finally, its chest slunk low as it heaved its body to a fat limb.
Sighing relief, I grabbed the ol' trusty 30-30 and made my way to the soon to be resting place of this sumpin' awful frightened beast. Cocking the hammer back, I lined up the front sight on the chest of the coug. I've had the pleasure of looking deep into the chest of many a frightened cougar. Yet again I pulled the trigger. As there was a warm explosion all over her belly, I cut another notch in my belt.
Thats when I woke up....
Pictures to come.
I'll start at the beginning...I woke up this morning, and thought I would whet a line. You know relax, and enjoy my time away from the world. I was on day 4 of a 10 day fly in hunting trip into the coastal mountains of British Columbia. I had twisted my ankle on day 3, and decided I would take a couple days to relax and maybe catch that kokanee of my dreams.
All of a sudden my rod twitched slightly...was it coincidence or just another fish? Assuming it was the first of the two...I reached up and grabbed one of the many hanging icicles above....not the biggest by any means, but I never was one that felt that I had to compensate for anything! Slamming it down into my Princess Leia insulated mug, that I aquired at burger king in 1984, (I remember because I was 4 years old), I mixed myself a drink. A stiff one at that! Story of my Life....
Gina was still sleeping off the night before in her sleeping bag in the back of the cave.
The morning sun glistened. The large icicles hanging off the mouth off the cave I had spent the night in. I lay back on the jagged edge of my temporary home I had chosen the night before.....fortunate for me, I was not the one who had to spend the night on my back!
Looking into the dense and snow filled forest, the hair on my neck stood erect....I thought back to my last trip, hunting the mountains with my ex, Allison!
I looked around, everything seemed tranquil and quiet. Like when I told Alison that that I had slept with her sister quiet. That's when I heard a twig snap.....
All of a sudden there was a cougar in my face. It actually reminded me of the last time I was in Yale town. My suspicion was more than slightly aroused.
I gawked down at the icicle I was stirring my drink with. A weapon ?? I pondered? The half empty 60 pounder sitting next to me...could that be used to beat it over the head? I was actually concerned most of all about my vintage star wars mug. If that was damaged or compromised in any sort of way, I would be back to ground zero (popularity) at the next big convention
Luckily, I had my trusty open sited 30-30, however, this cougar was all over me. Up in my business
Unlike most cougars I had dealt with in my time, I knew this cougar was not going to be afraid of the calibre and size of my gun!!! I had zeros worries about getting some weird itch. I just wanted to leave with my life!
This cougar was very different. It was long and lean. Not like your regular cougar, you know the one I mean. The kind that reminds you of willie Nelsons face, with a bad hangover, and its tongue hanging out. With really bad breath.
I was worried. I mean my life was flashing before me.
Falling out of the bunk bed as a kid.....My brother, pushing me out of the tree fort.....Asking my first date to the spring fling dance and being rejected.....being denied and not making the high school chess club.....My dad taking my big brother for a camping trip, without me.....the time I asked out my first love and being laughed at....
I was frozen, not really knowing what to do. I could smell this cougars breath.... I had never seen a cougar in the wild. Now that it was with in spitting distance I was surprisingly still. I literally was almost dumbfounded. Or I was drunk still.... It was early in the day though. Maybe it was my alcohol enriched blood stream from the night before. Either way, I was definitely in a real pickle.
It was the taste of blood in my mouth that awoke me to the realization that my life was in serious peril, I am not sure how many of you have ever been in a situation that made you, honest-to-goodness fearful for your life or well being but this was the real thing. I had memories flood relentlessly of ex-girlfriends torturing me to the point that i had wished death; I had survived the many nights of discussion filled, back pedalling, after confessing sleeping with Allison's sister. It's true, I had been to the wall, i had seen the bottom, but this was far different.
I reached up behind my left ear as I was forced to the ground, WET.... Wet was what I felt, the struggle took nothing in reality, in fact it had just begun, but please remember I was floating through seconds as if they were taking chunks of my young life to play out in front of me. I knew I needed to defend as much as try to establish a decent offence with this toothy beast. Where is my gun? What about a knife? I needed a weapon, it was time to go all in, in fact - you really have no idea what you will consider as a weapon until you have a large cougar listing heavily off your left side. I honestly had a fleeting thought that the elastic band from my new Haines underwear might make a good choking noose to tame the feline into a nerveless corpse. Wait, thats it....
If any one studied Cougars...they would know they prey on the young....however the one thing this Cougar didn't know, was that I was in the prime of my life!!
I was pinned!! My only defense was the steel from my flask, and the strap from my underwear! My Star wars collector cup lay motionless to my side! Thoughts of Luke SkyWalker losing his left arm entered my mind! I was doomed!! But then I remembered Obi Wan Kenobi's words....."Luke use the force"!!!
In a moment unlike anything I had experienced until that point of my life, I felt clarity. My right hand found my grandfathers boot knife, the very same knife he spat words over, "This could save your life, never be without it!"
My grandfather was an old stone mason, the brand on my arm reflects everything he worked for - sweating and toiling for years. Quick mind impressions of the chisel and hammer, not outstanding the grand images that came to mind normally describing the tools I labour with downstairs. It was now or never, never meaning I would not take another breath. Instinct took over, it wasn't something I could ask to think about and make a game plan, I feel it was more like a Babe Ruth pointing from home plate in 1932 towards the north pole...this ball was out of here.
I plunged Ol' Hank Johnson's boot knife, with all the fleeting force I had within me, into the dark bush ridden vastness behind me, blindly hoping it would reach its mark, not unlike a youthful William Tell as the arrow split true through the apple upon his head.
What kind of apple? What sort? Granny smith obviously. The type where if your best friend jumps off a bridge....ya know, commitment.
Back to the riddling tale of surprise. I was pinned under a cougar. A real live cougar. One with pointed teeth, and rather flattened files ripping forward at 2900 feet per second, (with each hand). I was definitely concerned.
I am a pretty competitive fighter. Sometimes I'll fight just because someone on HBC says my story seems unbelievable. (my address is: 90088 209a Street, Langley BC) if you want to try it. Even after a few beers I wouldn't even be willing to fight myself. I wouldn't even punch myself at this point. Listen......have you ever been in a bass fishing tour at Shawnigan Lake BC over on the island? That is the sort of jingle that jangles my boat keys.
So what else could I do....I lost my shtuff... I wound up like Popeye, twirling my fist 6 wind ups in the air. I moved my fist into the garage of that cougars face.
This Cougar was clearly rattled....Reminded me of the day i had lost my belief in Vampires....I had then realized that that bitch or Tommy was done for - I had the upper hand now, a tiger by the tail, so to speak. What would you do? Release or look for vengeance the choice was simple, I could be the lamb or I could be the lion. If not for the searing memory of my favorite Bo Derek velvet poster hanging proudly on the wall above my teenage bed, I would not have chosen the latter.
My hands moved faster than Muhammad Ali as he worked over Joe Frasier in the Thrilla in Manilla. This magnificent cat was lights out. I victoriously crumpled into a lifeless body resembling my ex-girlfriend Sasha after relations plied with copious booze. (Which also arouses me, even now as I write this) I had finally defeated it.
However, the beast was only stunned.
It staggered with a look of death in its eyes. Towards the leaning tree on the river bank, pulling its massive frame up the tree it climbed up and onward. Finally, its chest slunk low as it heaved its body to a fat limb.
Sighing relief, I grabbed the ol' trusty 30-30 and made my way to the soon to be resting place of this sumpin' awful frightened beast. Cocking the hammer back, I lined up the front sight on the chest of the coug. I've had the pleasure of looking deep into the chest of many a frightened cougar. Yet again I pulled the trigger. As there was a warm explosion all over her belly, I cut another notch in my belt.
Thats when I woke up....
Pictures to come.