An Epic Hunting Tale

[338]

So I'm talking to my ex, and she says she saw a huge bull elk on the top of a mountain. So I say's, " clean up woman, I'll pick you up forthwith and we will mount said mountain and take that bull'. Later on that day as we scaled that mountain as big as my ex's ass, I realized this was going to be a hard hunt.

It was cold that night, but the multiple rolls on my ex's arms provided plentiful warmth for my kool-aid enriched body. I had taken to the kool-aid alot more than normal that night as the thought of a bull elk hunt gets my blood stirring to no end.

The next morning we were back on that mountain long before light. The plan was to make it to the spot where we thought the bull would be before sun up. As we ascended the last ridge, I heard the beautiful call of a rocky mountain cow elk. It was the rut so if there are cows around, good chance their's bulls around. Then I heard it again, " UURRRREEEEEE, EEEOOOOO, EEEEOOOOO, EEEOOOO, UUGGGGGHHHHHH". To my surprise, as I turned, it was no elk spewing those calls. Twas my ex squatted down, holding onto a majestic douglas fir, while trying to empty her bowels. Gosh darn, if it wasn't the most beautiful thing I ever seen. She wasn't done wiping up when I mounted my trail cam, and digital camera on a nearby tree and recorded our lovemaking session right there on that peak.

After a full minute and a half of lovemaking, we decided to to get back to the mission. My pants were merely half way up when I spotted him. There he was, 338 yards away, providing me with a broadside shot. As I finished buckling my belt I counted his antlers. He was an unbelievable 12 by 12 bull elk. I called my ex to load and pass me my 338. As I shouldered it I saw I forgot to mount a scope on her. Not like the way I mounted my ex the night before. For me this didn't matter, I raised my scopeless, iron sightless, rifle to my shoulder and peered directly down the barrel and hollered, "I gots you now sucka". The shot rang off and he fell like a ton of bricks. "WHHOOOOEEEE" hollered my ex.After taking numerous pics of the bull with the digital camera to document the momentus event, we started on the gutting process. Just as we pulled his innards out, we was startled by a shrieking noise up in the tree. "OOOHHHHH MY GAWD.......LOOK AT THAT RAVEN" shouts my ex. I've never seen such a bloodthirsty animal in my life. I have wrestled cougars and grizzly bear with my bear hands, but was not about to argue with one of BC's most dangerous scavengers. Thats when my instinct kicked in hard. I grabbed my rifle and my woman, and headed downhill for safety. In my mad scurry down that ridge I turned to see the raven standing over my bull elk kill, tearing chunks of meat with his ferociuos beak. KAW KAW KAW he laughed. "Hey you forgot your cameras. I am going to keep them", he yelled as he had his way with the bull. I hesitated to argue with that bird, as I knew what was good for me.

Thankfully we got back to my truck safely, minus a digital camera, trail cam, and a whole lot of dignity. I looked lovingly at my ex and said "lets go home baby". "Damn right", she says, " I gotta sh*t like a bear and wash out my dentures".

I realized how lucky I was, and that this trip taught me two lessons. My ex was a woman I couldn't afford to lose. I never should have betrayed her and fallen to the tempting advances made by her golden retriever. Finally, never make love to your women until they wipe up after using the toilet.

God willing any man should find my camera, you can keep the pictures.

[835]

are you just kidding do you mean it?

[rocksteady]

That which has been seen, can not be unseen...

That which has been read, can not be unread....

Hilarious...But I think you may have crossed the line of plagarism....:mrgreen:

[Will]

Finally, never make love to your women until they wipe up after using the toilet.


We've officially hit a new low..............:?

[darrin6109]

huh??????????

[TheWalkingSlaughterHouse]

So I'm talking to my ex, and she says she saw a huge bull elk on the top of a mountain. So I say's, " clean up woman, I'll pick you up forthwith and we will mount said mountain and take that bull'. Later on that day as we scaled that mountain as big as my ex's ass, I realized this was going to be a hard hunt.

It was cold that night, but the multiple rolls on my ex's arms provided plentiful warmth for my kool-aid enriched body. I had taken to the kool-aid alot more than normal that night as the thought of a bull elk hunt gets my blood stirring to no end.

The next morning we were back on that mountain long before light. The plan was to make it to the spot where we thought the bull would be before sun up. As we ascended the last ridge, I heard the beautiful call of a rocky mountain cow elk. It was the rut so if there are cows around, good chance their's bulls around. Then I heard it again, " UURRRREEEEEE, EEEOOOOO, EEEEOOOOO, EEEOOOO, UUGGGGGHHHHHH". To my surprise, as I turned, it was no elk spewing those calls. Twas my ex squatted down, holding onto a majestic douglas fir, while trying to empty her bowels. Gosh darn, if it wasn't the most beautiful thing I ever seen. She wasn't done wiping up when I mounted my trail cam, and digital camera on a nearby tree and recorded our lovemaking session right there on that peak.

After a full minute and a half of lovemaking, we decided to to get back to the mission. My pants were merely half way up when I spotted him. There he was, 338 yards away, providing me with a broadside shot. As I finished buckling my belt I counted his antlers. He was an unbelievable 12 by 12 bull elk. I called my ex to load and pass me my 338. As I shouldered it I saw I forgot to mount a scope on her. Not like the way I mounted my ex the night before. For me this didn't matter, I raised my scopeless, iron sightless, rifle to my shoulder and peered directly down the barrel and hollered, "I gots you now sucka". The shot rang off and he fell like a ton of bricks. "WHHOOOOEEEE" hollered my ex.After taking numerous pics of the bull with the digital camera to document the momentus event, we started on the gutting process. Just as we pulled his innards out, we was startled by a shrieking noise up in the tree. "OOOHHHHH MY GAWD.......LOOK AT THAT RAVEN" shouts my ex. I've never seen such a bloodthirsty animal in my life. I have wrestled cougars and grizzly bear with my bear hands, but was not about to argue with one of BC's most dangerous scavengers. Thats when my instinct kicked in hard. I grabbed my rifle and my woman, and headed downhill for safety. In my mad scurry down that ridge I turned to see the raven standing over my bull elk kill, tearing chunks of meat with his ferociuos beak. KAW KAW KAW he laughed. "Hey you forgot your cameras. I am going to keep them", he yelled as he had his way with the bull. I hesitated to argue with that bird, as I knew what was good for me.

Thankfully we got back to my truck safely, minus a digital camera, trail cam, and a whole lot of dignity. I looked lovingly at my ex and said "lets go home baby". "Damn right", she says, " I gotta sh*t like a bear and wash out my dentures".

I realized how lucky I was, and that this trip taught me two lessons. My ex was a woman I couldn't afford to lose. I never should have betrayed her and fallen to the tempting advances made by her golden retriever. Finally, never make love to your women until they wipe up after using the toilet.

God willing any man should find my camera, you can keep the pictures.

I smell bull sh*t

[835]

no no no its real :)
but he doesnt know how to put a story togeather like you TWSH

[lilhoss]

drugs are bad,um,ok.

[LillyTheGoatSlayer]

wow..... bad form 338. bad form.did TWSH steal your gf? or take ur mom out and never call her again? He must of done something terrible to warrant such immaturity.

[lip_ripper00]

Damn, it's going to be a long winter!!!!:icon_frow

[Gateholio]

No way you made that shot without a scope.:roll:

[Cole]

Somebody call the love police. I think I just retched up a lung and my libido left me for the chiwawa on the way to...... NUTSVILLE ! ! ! !

[sawmill]

We've officially hit a new low..............:?

Oh no we haven`t.Wait till mid Febuary.This is just the
Pre Season.God Bless them.:mrgreen:

[lilhoss]

No way you made that shot without a scope.:roll:
I just got to come have a drink with you and the beav' one day.That is great!

[yukon john]

cabin fever sets in early this year

[bforce750]

No way you made that shot without a scope.:roll:
Anything is possible Gatehouse,I heard there was a guy on this site that shoots rams all day long at 220 yards open sights with 25mph crosswinds....ohhh yaaahhhh with a .22cal.

[835]

with a 30-30 even

[The Hermit]

That story was MINT!

[darrin6109]

and i get asked to change my avatar and they let crap like that be posted?

[Hank Hunter]

The poster obviously has some serious issues

[835]

he feels decieved

[d6dan]

That story was MINT!

Yes it is...
I'm going to make some more popcorn:tongue:

[Spy]

338 you must have smelt like Sh..T when you woke up. That must have been one fantastic dream. Gotta love them Talking ravens!

[Ozone]

Why expend the energy raising the gun to your shoulder, shoot from the hip, thats why its there.

[doubled]

Who needs rifles with women like that. You should have unleashed her on the poor elk.

[bruin]

Very epic!

[338]

and i get asked to change my avatar and they let crap like that be posted?

anyone who asks you to change those avatars is not right in the head.

[835]

anyone who asks you to change those avatars is not right in the head.


NOW THAT IS THE TRUTH

[338]

No way you made that shot without a scope.:roll:

Do I also have to start a thread titled, "Am I The Only One".

Don't force my hand.

[338]

338 you must have smelt like Sh..T when you woke up. That must have been one fantastic dream. Gotta love them Talking ravens!

No kidding.....only thing worse is those darn yelling squirrels.

[Hank Hunter]

anyone who asks you to change those avatars is not right in the head.

There is definately someone not right in the head

[rocksteady]

You forgot to start off the tale with

"This one time at band camp....."

[338]

I smell bull sh*t

no this ones true, through and through......don't be jealous of my shootin ability

[BiG Boar]

This thread is fake. There is no way you did it with out at least iron sights. That is totally unethical. Hard to believe we have people on our site like this.

Not to mention a giant RAVEN eating your elk? You have a 338 man. You could blow even the biggest ravens clean back 20 ft off your elk. Makes me wonder.....if this is a true story or not.

[835]

shootin ravens is bad luck

[338]

This thread is fake. There is no way you did it with out at least iron sights. That is totally unethical. Hard to believe we have people on our site like this.

Not to mention a giant RAVEN eating your elk? You have a 338 man. You could blow even the biggest ravens clean back 20 ft off your elk. Makes me wonder.....if this is a true story or not.

oh boy.......you mean it wasn't the talking raven that clued you in?

[darrin6109]

There is definately someone not right in the head
you mean i can put my old avatar back online? sweeeeeeeet!

[835]

yes you can

[huntcoop]

[quote=338;578908]...quote]

You are such a wanna be.

[whitetailsheds]

That story was MINT!

MINT! There ya go....nice one! Still looking for the YouTube video to go with this one...they all come up restricted!

[TheWalkingSlaughterHouse]

So I'm talking to my ex, and she says she saw a huge bull elk on the top of a mountain. So I say's, " clean up woman, I'll pick you up forthwith and we will mount said mountain and take that bull'. Later on that day as we scaled that mountain as big as my ex's ass, I realized this was going to be a hard hunt.

It was cold that night, but the multiple rolls on my ex's arms provided plentiful warmth for my kool-aid enriched body. I had taken to the kool-aid alot more than normal that night as the thought of a bull elk hunt gets my blood stirring to no end.

The next morning we were back on that mountain long before light. The plan was to make it to the spot where we thought the bull would be before sun up. As we ascended the last ridge, I heard the beautiful call of a rocky mountain cow elk. It was the rut so if there are cows around, good chance their's bulls around. Then I heard it again, "UURRRREEEEEE, EEEOOOOO, EEEEOOOOO, EEEOOOO, UUGGGGGHHHHHH". To my surprise, as I turned, it was no elk spewing those calls. Twas my ex squatted down, holding onto a majestic douglas fir, while trying to empty her bowels. Gosh darn, if it wasn't the most beautiful thing I ever seen. She wasn't done wiping up when I mounted my trail cam, and digital camera on a nearby tree and recorded our lovemaking session right there on that peak.

After a full minute and a half of lovemaking, we decided to to get back to the mission. My pants were merely half way up when I spotted him. There he was, 338 yards away, providing me with a broadside shot. As I finished buckling my belt I counted his antlers. He was an unbelievable 12 by 12 bull elk. I called my ex to load and pass me my 338. As I shouldered it I saw I forgot to mount a scope on her. Not like the way I mounted my ex the night before. For me this didn't matter, I raised my scopeless, iron sightless, rifle to my shoulder and peered directly down the barrel and hollered, "I gots you now sucka". The shot rang off and he fell like a ton of bricks. "WHHOOOOEEEE" hollered my ex.After taking numerous pics of the bull with the digital camera to document the momentus event, we started on the gutting process. Just as we pulled his innards out, we was startled by a shrieking noise up in the tree. "OOOHHHHH MY GAWD.......LOOK AT THAT RAVEN" shouts my ex. I've never seen such a bloodthirsty animal in my life. I have wrestled cougars and grizzly bear with my bear hands, but was not about to argue with one of BC's most dangerous scavengers. Thats when my instinct kicked in hard. I grabbed my rifle and my woman, and headed downhill for safety. In my mad scurry down that ridge I turned to see the raven standing over my bull elk kill, tearing chunks of meat with his ferociuos beak. KAW KAW KAW he laughed. "Hey you forgot your cameras. I am going to keep them", he yelled as he had his way with the bull. I hesitated to argue with that bird, as I knew what was good for me.

Thankfully we got back to my truck safely, minus a digital camera, trail cam, and a whole lot of dignity. I looked lovingly at my ex and said "lets go home baby". "Damn right", she says, " I gotta sh*t like a bear and wash out my dentures".

I realized how lucky I was, and that this trip taught me two lessons. My ex was a woman I couldn't afford to lose. I never should have betrayed her and fallen to the tempting advances made by her golden retriever. Finally, never make love to your women until they wipe up after using the toilet.

God willing any man should find my camera, you can keep the pictures.

I will admit there are a lot of holes in this story.......but I cant help but find nuggets of what I could not argue with as being truthful..........

(1) I never should have betrayed her and fallen to the tempting advances made by her golden retriever.

(2)After a full minute and a half of lovemaking, we decided to to get back to the mission.

(3"UURRRREEEEEE, EEEOOOOO, EEEEOOOOO, EEEOOOO, UUGGGGGHHHHHH".

[Jimr]

Ohhh ohhh i like that story.... He couldnt have unleashed the ex on the elk, he mentioned it was 338 yrds away ..and by description of the ex , she would never have made it and possibly would have been shot by a hog Hunter ........

This story is UNREAL .....

[Jimr]

..........

[BearStump]

ok, ok, ok. It's all pretty beleivable......... except, there's no way you can hang a trail cam that fast. I dunno man, I dont buy it. without that tidbit you had me.

[Hank Hunter]

you mean i can put my old avatar back online? sweeeeeeeet!
No I wasnt referring to the site mods

[BiG Boar]

oh boy.......you mean it wasn't the talking raven that clued you in?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-ZyBNWVD70w

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1Iu0DAS0PUM&NR=1

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rGeOpjxx2ho&feature=related

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YZ0yrG-Yz88&feature=related

As you can see from a small selection, there are a lot of ravens and crows that can talk. So no.....

[Ovis17]

There goes 10 minutes of my life that I'll never get back. This kind of stuff needs to go.

[blindguy]

start the new thread are you the only one that.......

That was great !!!!!!!!!!!

[knighthunter]

That was great, too bad you didn't have some pic's to go with it. 12 x 12 elk- what you doing shooting such a small one for? OH, I believe a story like that. Sounds true to me. Maybe Outdoor Life will buy it off you.

[338]

That was great, too bad you didn't have some pic's to go with it. 12 x 12 elk- what you doing shooting such a small one for? OH, I believe a story like that. Sounds true to me. Maybe Outdoor Life will buy it off you.

not likely without the pics....but i will try

[338]

start the new thread are you the only one that.......

That was great !!!!!!!!!!!

looks like i am gonna have to

[338]

Ohhh ohhh i like that story.... He couldnt have unleashed the ex on the elk, he mentioned it was 338 yrds away ..and by description of the ex , she would never have made it and possibly would have been shot by a hog Hunter ........

This story is UNREAL .....

Oh she's big jimr, but fast and agile. She'd of covered that distance in 5 seconds flat.

[tuffteddyb]

think shoulda just wrapped that there elk in toilet paper she woulda had it outte there quick,she sure seems to use a lot of it
.great story

[hillclimber]

awesome:-D

[Jimr]

Oh she's big jimr, but fast and agile. She'd of covered that distance in 5 seconds flat.

I bet she woulda, shoulda telled er theres a Big ol Lil debbie cream cake in it for her.

[Jagermeister]

Now that is a mighty fine tall tale. Leaves nothing to the imagination since it has a very descriptive account of the whole scenerio. Well Done!

[Hank Hunter]

So I'm talking to my ex, and she says she saw a huge bull elk on the top of a mountain. So I say's, " clean up woman, I'll pick you up forthwith and we will mount said mountain and take that bull'. Later on that day as we scaled that mountain as big as my ex's ass, I realized this was going to be a hard hunt.

It was cold that night, but the multiple rolls on my ex's arms provided plentiful warmth for my kool-aid enriched body. I had taken to the kool-aid alot more than normal that night as the thought of a bull elk hunt gets my blood stirring to no end.

The next morning we were back on that mountain long before light. The plan was to make it to the spot where we thought the bull would be before sun up. As we ascended the last ridge, I heard the beautiful call of a rocky mountain cow elk. It was the rut so if there are cows around, good chance their's bulls around. Then I heard it again, " UURRRREEEEEE, EEEOOOOO, EEEEOOOOO, EEEOOOO, UUGGGGGHHHHHH". To my surprise, as I turned, it was no elk spewing those calls. Twas my ex squatted down, holding onto a majestic douglas fir, while trying to empty her bowels. Gosh darn, if it wasn't the most beautiful thing I ever seen. She wasn't done wiping up when I mounted my trail cam, and digital camera on a nearby tree and recorded our lovemaking session right there on that peak.

After a full minute and a half of lovemaking, we decided to to get back to the mission. My pants were merely half way up when I spotted him. There he was, 338 yards away, providing me with a broadside shot. As I finished buckling my belt I counted his antlers. He was an unbelievable 12 by 12 bull elk. I called my ex to load and pass me my 338. As I shouldered it I saw I forgot to mount a scope on her. Not like the way I mounted my ex the night before. For me this didn't matter, I raised my scopeless, iron sightless, rifle to my shoulder and peered directly down the barrel and hollered, "I gots you now sucka". The shot rang off and he fell like a ton of bricks. "WHHOOOOEEEE" hollered my ex.After taking numerous pics of the bull with the digital camera to document the momentus event, we started on the gutting process. Just as we pulled his innards out, we was startled by a shrieking noise up in the tree. "OOOHHHHH MY GAWD.......LOOK AT THAT RAVEN" shouts my ex. I've never seen such a bloodthirsty animal in my life. I have wrestled cougars and grizzly bear with my bear hands, but was not about to argue with one of BC's most dangerous scavengers. Thats when my instinct kicked in hard. I grabbed my rifle and my woman, and headed downhill for safety. In my mad scurry down that ridge I turned to see the raven standing over my bull elk kill, tearing chunks of meat with his ferociuos beak. KAW KAW KAW he laughed. "Hey you forgot your cameras. I am going to keep them", he yelled as he had his way with the bull. I hesitated to argue with that bird, as I knew what was good for me.

Thankfully we got back to my truck safely, minus a digital camera, trail cam, and a whole lot of dignity. I looked lovingly at my ex and said "lets go home baby". "Damn right", she says, " I gotta sh*t like a bear and wash out my dentures".

I realized how lucky I was, and that this trip taught me two lessons. My ex was a woman I couldn't afford to lose. I never should have betrayed her and fallen to the tempting advances made by her golden retriever. Finally, never make love to your women until they wipe up after using the toilet.

God willing any man should find my camera, you can keep the pictures.

Mods why is this garbage allowed on a family hunting site. I have a sense of humour but this crosses the line

[bforce750]

Mods why is this garbage allowed on a family hunting site. I have a sense of humour but this crosses the line
Then don't read it:wink: You should probably take your kids to DENNIES instead,I'm just kiddin by the way.:-D

[Hank Hunter]

Not worried about me reading it, but lots of guys have their kids, wifes etc on this site. Some pretty tasteless things in that thread

[338]

Mods why is this garbage allowed on a family hunting site. I have a sense of humour but this crosses the line

its all in good fun....what else is there to do on this site in the off season

[Jimr]

Go shoot coyotes.!!!!!!!!!

[TheWalkingSlaughterHouse]

no this ones true, through and through......don't be jealous of my shootin ability

I didnt know that fisher price made a 338 in the fisher price my first rifle series.
Did you borrow it from your niece?

[338]

I didnt know that fisher price made a 338 in the fisher price my first rifle series.
Did you borrow it from your niece?

I looked through all my posts and I never said they did. Where you gettin your info from?

[Jimr]

This is gettin old fast , Your just bringin up random .&%$% Now , .. Take your cockfight to PM's.

[Fishnutz]

This thread is useless without pics.:mad:

[pitbell]

Well played 338...

Well played.

[Kudu]

http://i203.photobucket.com/albums/aa292/Roadtrekeur/Redneck/Redneck_drinking_buddy.jpg

[THE SWEDE]

This is gettin old fast , Your just bringin up random .&%$% Now , .. Take your cockfight to PM's.

LOL You said cock

[nolan-sawka]

Hahahahahahahahahahah

[Kudu]

LOL You said cock


Is this just a coincidence?

2007 - Chinese Year of the Chicken
- Bird Flu Pandemic devastates parts of Asia

2008 - Chinese Year of the Horse
- Equine Influenza decimates Australian racing

2009 - Chinese Year of the Pig
- Swine Flu Pandemic kills hundreds of people around the globe

Next year is ... 2010
- Chinese Year of the Cock

- I`m starting to panic …..

[338]

Well played 338...

Well played.

Thank you Pitbell. I love the avatar. Congrats on that bull.
Now that is bull I can believe. LOL

[bigben]

WAY way way to much time on his hands I think the hunting season should be extended lol

[338]

WAY way way to much time on his hands I think the hunting season should be extended lol


Actually not enough time, but too much time in front of a computer.

I agree.....the season should be extended.