joke

[BearSniper]

One day out shopping...


A woman went to a discount store to purchase several items. When she finally got to the checker, she learned one of her items had no price. She thought she'd die of embarrassment when the checker got on the intercom and boomed out for all the store to hear, "Price check on lane thirteen. Tampax. Supersize."

As if that wasn't bad enough, the person looking for the price misunderstood the word "Tampax" for "Thumbtacks." In a businesslike tone, a voice boomed back over the intercom, "Do you want the kind you push in with your thumb or the kind you pound in with a hammer?"

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A guy walks into a bar and rudely demands

A guy walks into a bar and rudely demands a shot of 12-yr old scotch.

The bartender thinks "this guy doesn't know the difference," so he pours a shot of 2-year old scotch.

The patron takes one sip and spits it out. He promptly hollers at the bartender I said 12-year old scotch, you bozo!"

Still unimpressed the bartender pours some 6-year old scotch.
The patron takes a sip...same reaction.

But the bartender still doesn't believe the patron knows the difference. So he pours a shot of 10-year old scotch. Again, same reaction from the patron.

Finally, the bartender is convinced. He pours the patron a glass of 12-year-old scotch. The patron takes a sip and is most satisfied.

All the while this has been going on, a drunk at the end of the bar has been watching.

He slides a shot glass down the bar to the patron and drunkedly says:
"Shay mishter, tashte this!" The patron obliges...he promptly spits it out.

"That tastes like pee!," he shoots back at the drunk.

The drunk replies: "It ish. Now how old am I?"

[Manglinmike]

A old Indian trapper goes into the trading post to sell some furs and pick up some supplies,on his way out he remembers that he needs toilet paper and says to the trading post operator" oh ya I almost forgot I need 12 rolls of that royal bathroom paper", and the operator replies "well I'm sorry but I'm out of royal,I can give you this no-name paper instead though" so disappointed trapper takes the paper and heads back out to the trap line. 6 weeks later the trapper returns and says to the man " hey Ive got a name for that no-name paper of yours" and the operator says "oh ya whats that" ,the trapper replies " John Wayne toilet paper" looking puzzled the operator says "Why John Wayne toilet paper", the trapper says to him " cause its rough and its tough and it don't take no shit from no Indian"

[bushguy]

guys jogging along the beach when he looks down and theres an ancient Genie lamp.He rubs and rubs and POOF out pops a genie.ALAS,you have woken me from my 100 year sleep,but as i am a jewish genie,i will only grant you ONE wish!The guy thinks and thinks,hes extremely wealthy ,has his great health,,but ,,is a lonely guy.So, Mr genie, he says,I'd love to be surrounded by pussy!!The genie gets a big grin on his face and POOF turns the guy into a tampon!!!!

And the moral off the story is,,,,You can bet when your dealing with a Jewish Genie,,,,theres always a string attached.

[moosehunter21]

Good jokes guys keep em coming!

[Mr. Friendly]

in a university psychology course, men and women were separated into their respective groups and told to compare each other to either wine or grapes. after some discussion by the respective parties, the women spoke up and said, "men are like grapes, because you want to stomp on them, crush them and keep them in the dark until their cultured enough you don't mind having dinner with them.". men then countered saying, "and women are like wine...fresh, fruity and intoxicating to the mind, but as they grow older and become more full bodied, they turn soury and vinegary and give you nothing but a headache!"

:D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D ;) :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D

[Mr. Friendly]

Sherlock and Watson were on the trail of a perpetrator of a crime and part of it required them to be out in the field, so they lugged along their camping gear and after setting up their tent and settling down for the night they both fell asleep. a wee bit later Sherlock wakes up and nudges Watson and asks him, "Watson, what do you see?". Watson replied, "I see thousands of stars, which could be thousands of suns, which could have thousands of planets orbiting them with thousands of civilizations that one day in the future we could meet." Sherlock grumbled, "No you idiot, someone stole our tent!".

;)

[500grhollowpoint]

One day a man went into the dentist's to get a tooth pulled. When the dentist told him he needed to give him some anesthetic he refused. The dentist told him this again and he refused saying"I have experienced the 2 worst pains in the world I don't need anesthetic". So the dentist pulled the tooth and the guy just sat there and didn't even flinch. When this was done the dentist says to the man "What were those pains ?". The guy says"the first when happened while i was out hunting, I squated down to take a shit and got my balls caught in a bear trap".The dentist asks him what the second one was and the guy says "when I reached the end of the Chain"

[bushguy]

A guy goes to the supermarket and notices an attractive woman waving at him.
She says hello.

He's rather taken aback because he can't place where he knows her from.

So he says, Do you know me?' To which she replies, 'I think you're the father of one of my kids.'

Now his mind travels back to the only time he has ever been unfaithful to his wife and says, 'My God, are you the stripper from my bachelor party that I made love to on the pool table with all my buddies watching while your partner whipped my butt with wet celery???'

She looks into his eyes and says calmly, 'No, I'm your son's teacher