Your Funniest Hunting Stories

[HarryToolips]

I'll start:

About 5 years ago, early June - Spring bear season, I was hunting with a good buddy who has never shot a big game animal..I tell him in the vehicle as were heading up that he gets first shot...so were hiking along, we come to this wetland and I gotta take a $hit....I have my old .303 beside me, I tell my buddy what I have to do, so he heads back up the trail of course away from me, but I think that he's just up the trail a little bit from me...so I proceed to do my business (I have no TP of course so I'm using moss & grass), as my pants are down and I'm getting it done, I hear this big splash behind me..I turn around & grab my .303, with my pants still hanging around my ankles, as this splash is probably only 30-40 yards away...its a huge black bear...I take aim...then I remember that I told my buddy that he gets first shot...so I'm standing there pants around my ankles aiming at this bear, and going "pssst, pssssstt!" thinking my buddy is just up the trail and can hear me...suddenly this bear bluff charges after realizing my presence, it happened so fast I only had a wall of logs to aim above anticipating that if he came at me he would come over the logs as that was his only option...he saw that I stood my ground so he abruptly turned but I of course never did get a shot off on the guy and he appeared to be a tank...I told my buddy what happened, & he said "you really think I'd be that close when you gotta take a $hit?

[saskbooknut]

45 years ago, when my Daughter was 5, we were hunting up the White River for Elk, or a Whitetail.
If I hunted alone in the morning, I got child care duty in the evening, so my wife could hunt.
This particular evening, I took my kiddo about 1/2 mile from the truck camp, with rifle over my shoulder and an Elk bugle.
As the sun started down, an Elk bugles, and pretty soon we had him coming in to the call.
Suddenly, the truck horn started going - beep, dabeep, beep.
I figured that my dear wife had shot something, and needed help, though I hadn't heard a shot.
We trundled back to the truck.
Our English Setter was dancing around on the seat of the truck, with her butt hitting the horn.
She had puked all over the cab of the pickup.
Turns out, she had found an old rotting hide in the bush, and like the stupid Setter she was, she ate her fill of it.
English Setters are beautiful dogs, lovable too, but not noted for brain power.

[dakoda62]

Not funny at the time but. Jist of the story is i almost set my partner on fire. Last day of our moose trip, breaking down camp, Stu is cooking breakfast on his trusty Coleman stove on the picnic table, im moving crap around not really paying attention to any thing. Set the propane bottle on the table and commence to remove the off the tree attached to the tank, I don't know to this day how liquid propane ended up in the hose but none the less there is now a ball of flaming gas enveloping the cook stove and Stu. Jumps back singed eyebrows and hair,WTF, all could say was oops, and then started laughing my bag off. He didn't find it funny, lol

[THE SWEDE]

About 15 years ago me and my hunting buddy braved a river in a 12 foot aluminum and a 9.9 to hunt elk.I was successful but the elk decided to die in a back channel with knee deep water. I had waders ,my buddy did not. He thought it was wise to remove his pants and just wear his tightly whiteys to help retrieve the Bull. Deboned and loaded into the boat he realized his pants were under the game bags. “F” it he said as it was only a 20 minute run down the the launch. Tight on space he sat on one of the game bags. We arrived at the launch and the people that were hanging around came over for a look. They didn’t say much and left in kind of a hurry.. “what’s their deal”?”my buddy asked. I said well your in your ginch with a giant blood stain on the ass of em,and I’m grinning ear to ear.

[HarryToolips]

45 years ago, when my Daughter was 5, we were hunting up the White River for Elk, or a Whitetail.
If I hunted alone in the morning, I got child care duty in the evening, so my wife could hunt.
This particular evening, I took my kiddo about 1/2 mile from the truck camp, with rifle over my shoulder and an Elk bugle.
As the sun started down, an Elk bugles, and pretty soon we had him coming in to the call.
Suddenly, the truck horn started going - beep, dabeep, beep.
I figured that my dear wife had shot something, and needed help, though I hadn't heard a shot.
We trundled back to the truck.
Our English Setter was dancing around on the seat of the truck, with her butt hitting the horn.
She had puked all over the cab of the pickup.
Turns out, she had found an old rotting hide in the bush, and like the stupid Setter she was, she ate her fill of it.
English Setters are beautiful dogs, lovable too, but not noted for brain power.
LOL $hitty luck......

[HarryToolips]

Not funny at the time but. Jist of the story is i almost set my partner on fire. Last day of our moose trip, breaking down camp, Stu is cooking breakfast on his trusty Coleman stove on the picnic table, im moving crap around not really paying attention to any thing. Set the propane bottle on the table and commence to remove the off the tree attached to the tank, I don't know to this day how liquid propane ended up in the hose but none the less there is now a ball of flaming gas enveloping the cook stove and Stu. Jumps back singed eyebrows and hair,WTF, all could say was oops, and then started laughing my bag off. He didn't find it funny, lol
I bet he laughs about it now though.....

[HarryToolips]

About 15 years ago me and my hunting buddy braved a river in a 12 foot aluminum and a 9.9 to hunt elk.I was successful but the elk decided to die in a back channel with knee deep water. I had waders ,my buddy did not. He thought it was wise to remove his pants and just wear his tightly whiteys to help retrieve the Bull. Deboned and loaded into the boat he realized his pants were under the game bags. “F” it he said as it was only a 20 minute run down the the launch. Tight on space he sat on one of the game bags. We arrived at the launch and the people that were hanging around came over for a look. They didn’t say much and left in kind of a hurry.. “what’s their deal”?”my buddy asked. I said well your in your ginch with a giant blood stain on the ass of em,and I’m grinning ear to ear.
lol............................

[CR CRUISER]

We were quartering my daughter's elk. She was down at the truck with my partner's wife. Everything was going well until I got the 6 second warning. You know the one where your butt says that you have 6 seconds to find a suitable receptacle. I'm going nah it's just a fart. My butt replied no it's not and you now have 4 seconds. The slash we were in was absolutely naked. No cover taller than 4" for at least 150 yards. I waddled about 10 yards while undoing suspenders, pants and ginch. I'm now bare assed naked from the waste down but I made sure that all my lower clothing was out of the drop zone. Then it erupted. Everything that I had eaten in the last 6 months. I'm doing the 3 point stance crouched with my feet in front of me and one hand on the hill behind me.

My hunting partner is now rolling on the ground laughing at we. And I look down the hill and my the 2 girls are laughing their butts off. The I see one of them putting a 30" long lens on her camera. I'm yelling at her to put that thing away. After what seemed like 20 minutes of horrendous pooping I was finally finished but my emergency butt wipe was in my jacket down at the truck. I'm getting ready to use one of the $50 bills in my wallet when I discovered to my horror that the shitnami had flowed downhill into my pants and ginch. Off come the boots and the soiled clothes. I had a spare pair of pants in the truck which my partner generously retrieved for me. I left the defiled clothes right there on the hillside.

[adriaticum]

About 5 years ago I was hunting this area that had a good number of white tails.
It was pretty easy to pattern them in these areas, every time I drove by on the way to my hunting spot there was a few deer always in there.
These couple of spots had deer with regularity.
So one day I decide I am going to go there in the doe season to get me a wt doe.
In the morning I park about 1 km away from the place "I know" the white tails would be.
I practically crawl from the truck on, quiet as can be.
Breathing only when wind picks up, waiting for every squirrel to stop bitching.
Last couple of hundred yards I stop breathing, enter into a hybernation mode, rifle at the ready, loaded with safety off, pointed in front of me like in the army.
I walk between 8 foot tall bushy pine trees hiding behind them laser focused on this little gully where I expect to see deer.
It's raining and the wind is perfect I can already taste the backstraps.
Everything is perfect.
I keep slowly moving between trees to 50 yards, nothing moves, no sounds anywhere, 40 yards, 30 yards, 20 yards.
I'm starting to think maybe they are just not there.
It's not my day.
Maybe they changed their patterns due to rain.
I come to 10 yards from the spot.
I am laser focused and look in between each blade of grass.
Between each tree.
I'm ninja quiet.
Nothing.
I wait probably 5 minutes right in the spot where they should be, not breathing, gun ready to shoot.
I don't see anything.


Well I think to myself, another day, another dollar.
Mentally I am exhausted by now and start losing concentration.
It's over. It's done.
As soon as I start lowering my rifle down, 4 whitetails jump in front of me within 10 yards in all directions.
They disperse so fast I don't even twitch.
There were so close I could have clubbed them to death.
Bucks and does together.
To this day I don't understand how they could run so fast through that shit and not break legs or something.
I mean I spooked them they were in full flight.


Well, it's funny to me now, but I didn't sleep that night.

[vincentcui]

The funniest hunting story of mine happened in my very first hunt. We went to a shooting range the week before our hunt, and we sighted both his 30-06 springfield and .22 lr properly. Saw my first grouse on open day, while aiming the second grouse showed up. I decided to take the first one first because it was closer to me, I took a knee and load the .22 then pulled the trigger. Both birds stood still, so I shot the second, third and fourth time... same thing! My father had swearwords out of his mouth and started to criticize my poor marksmanship. After the fifth shot, it was a hit! I was so excited but felt weird. Wait for a second, I aimed at the closer grouse, but why was the farther one got hit? I told my father and he thought it was just because I was an absolute beginner at the time and was "shaking" when shooting, and he took the .22 lr and reloaded the mag full. He saw a grouse soon after, and guess what? He emptied the whole mag without hitting the bird! We started to realize there must be something wrong with our rifle. It ended up with the scope screw was loose, and unfortunately we had no hex tool to tighten it. Luckily my dad also brought his shotgun so that the rest of that hunt was not going into waste.

[Sitkaspruce]

There has been a few but one that I tell a lot is more about the camp than the hunt.

We were chasing mule deer in the WK and when we got back to camp, one of the partners said he would make lunch.

The rest of us dealt with camp choirs and such while he went into the cook tent and got lunch ready.

After about 20 minutes of what even he was doing, he calls out that lunch is ready, but one of the items doesn't look like what the rest of have made in the past. We head over, starving and expecting lots of food. The table has a plate of ham, sausage and this pot of orange shit.....WTF is that we all ask! He replies that it is KD, but it doesn't look like the picture on the box or what has been served in the past. We all burst out laughing.....

It turns out that he didn't read the box and didn't drain the water from the pasta.....AND, at 28 years old, he HAS NEVER MADE KD BEFORE!!...never!! Who, by that age, has never made KD?? Especially as he went to tech school!

Anyways, we laughed and laughed until he got a little pissed....he never cooked another meal on any of our trip!

Cheers

SS

[HarryToolips]

We were quartering my daughter's elk. She was down at the truck with my partner's wife. Everything was going well until I got the 6 second warning. You know the one where your butt says that you have 6 seconds to find a suitable receptacle. I'm going nah it's just a fart. My butt replied no it's not and you now have 4 seconds. The slash we were in was absolutely naked. No cover taller than 4" for at least 150 yards. I waddled about 10 yards while undoing suspenders, pants and ginch. I'm now bare assed naked from the waste down but I made sure that all my lower clothing was out of the drop zone. Then it erupted. Everything that I had eaten in the last 6 months. I'm doing the 3 point stance crouched with my feet in front of me and one hand on the hill behind me.

My hunting partner is now rolling on the ground laughing at we. And I look down the hill and my the 2 girls are laughing their butts off. The I see one of them putting a 30" long lens on her camera. I'm yelling at her to put that thing away. After what seemed like 20 minutes of horrendous pooping I was finally finished but my emergency butt wipe was in my jacket down at the truck. I'm getting ready to use one of the $50 bills in my wallet when I discovered to my horror that the shitnami had flowed downhill into my pants and ginch. Off come the boots and the soiled clothes. I had a spare pair of pants in the truck which my partner generously retrieved for me. I left the defiled clothes right there on the hillside.
Lol that's the $hittiest story I've heard all day...sucked to be you! Other than your daughter shot an elk;)

[HarryToolips]

About 5 years ago I was hunting this area that had a good number of white tails.
It was pretty easy to pattern them in these areas, every time I drove by on the way to my hunting spot there was a few deer always in there.
These couple of spots had deer with regularity.
So one day I decide I am going to go there in the doe season to get me a wt doe.
In the morning I park about 1 km away from the place "I know" the white tails would be.
I practically crawl from the truck on, quiet as can be.
Breathing only when wind picks up, waiting for every squirrel to stop bitching.
Last couple of hundred yards I stop breathing, enter into a hybernation mode, rifle at the ready, loaded with safety off, pointed in front of me like in the army.
I walk between 8 foot tall bushy pine trees hiding behind them laser focused on this little gully where I expect to see deer.
It's raining and the wind is perfect I can already taste the backstraps.
Everything is perfect.
I keep slowly moving between trees to 50 yards, nothing moves, no sounds anywhere, 40 yards, 30 yards, 20 yards.
I'm starting to think maybe they are just not there.
It's not my day.
Maybe they changed their patterns due to rain.
I come to 10 yards from the spot.
I am laser focused and look in between each blade of grass.
Between each tree.
I'm ninja quiet.
Nothing.
I wait probably 5 minutes right in the spot where they should be, not breathing, gun ready to shoot.
I don't see anything.


Well I think to myself, another day, another dollar.
Mentally I am exhausted by now and start losing concentration.
It's over. It's done.
As soon as I start lowering my rifle down, 4 whitetails jump in front of me within 10 yards in all directions.
They disperse so fast I don't even twitch.
There were so close I could have clubbed them to death.
Bucks and does together.
To this day I don't understand how they could run so fast through that shit and not break legs or something.
I mean I spooked them they were in full flight.


Well, it's funny to me now, but I didn't sleep that night.
It's amazing how well they can traverse through thick growth indeed....

[HarryToolips]

The funniest hunting story of mine happened in my very first hunt. We went to a shooting range the week before our hunt, and we sighted both his 30-06 springfield and .22 lr properly. Saw my first grouse on open day, while aiming the second grouse showed up. I decided to take the first one first because it was closer to me, I took a knee and load the .22 then pulled the trigger. Both birds stood still, so I shot the second, third and fourth time... same thing! My father had swearwords out of his mouth and started to criticize my poor marksmanship. After the fifth shot, it was a hit! I was so excited but felt weird. Wait for a second, I aimed at the closer grouse, but why was the farther one got hit? I told my father and he thought it was just because I was an absolute beginner at the time and was "shaking" when shooting, and he took the .22 lr and reloaded the mag full. He saw a grouse soon after, and guess what? He emptied the whole mag without hitting the bird! We started to realize there must be something wrong with our rifle. It ended up with the scope screw was loose, and unfortunately we had no hex tool to tighten it. Luckily my dad also brought his shotgun so that the rest of that hunt was not going into waste.
Lol I watched a buddy do that last year with a black bear...

[IronNoggin]

Been a few, but this one comes immediately to mind...

I was solo hunting moose in the Cumberland Delta (Manitoba / Sask border).
Day three in, I set up camp on a smallish island, pulling my canoe up close to the tent before crashing.
Rolled over in the middle of the night and SPLASH!
HUH??
Realized I was lying in 3 or 4 inches of water!
DAMN!! :shock:

Immediate check - yep, the canoe has departed without me.
Double Damn! :shock::shock:

Managed to get all the gear to shore in relatively short order, and a good thing that was.
The folks that run the dam way upstream decided to let her roar in the middle of the night.
By the time I did get all safely off the island, the only evidence it existed was the tops of a few willows wiggling in the current...

Waited for first light, and set off downstream in hopes of finding my ride.
4 or 5 miles downstream, there she was, lazily spinning in a back eddy - on the other side of the main river.
Nonplussed, I stripped down and swam to my craft. Climbed aboard and was thankful the paddles were still there.

Got about eight or ten strokes in when a power boat came ripping around the bend below.
Pa, Ma and two teen-aged girls.
Stormed right up to me.
All eyes wide open the Pa inquired - Whatcha up to?
Why hunting moose sez I, should be pretty obvious eh?

JeHeeZus was his response, and they roared back they way they had come at full throttle.
Always wondered what the tales around their camp were like following that encounter with the naked fellow with no gun or any supplies whatsoever, paddling the mighty Saskatchewan in search of moose... :lol:

Nog

[HarryToolips]

^^^^lol wow you were almost caught up $hit crk without a paddle...