Would you still be friends with... (long winded / discussion please)

[brotherjack]

So, I just 'broke up' with a friend of mine, whom I've been (I though) very good friends with since 2007. And by good friends, I mean good enough friends that I would call him my 'brother', and I wouldn't even think of a hotel when I'd be in his neck of the woods, I'd stay at his house or he'd wonder why I was mad at him. But, since I've moved to Idaho, I started hunting with him, and after a few years of things that made me go 'hrmmm', this year I felt like I'd had enough and so I loaded up my RV and went to hunt elsewhere and haven't talked to him since. But that said, I thought I'd run it by the members of the forum and see what you guys think.


So, last year, me and The Wife(™) are hunting vaguely the same area as my buddy and his brother in-law/hunting partner. Per their request (as they were kind enough to clue us in to the general area), we're hunting one side of the mountain, and staying off of their side of the mountain. From my perspective, the etiquette there was not even a question, that's their spot/area on that side of the mountain, they've hunted it together for over a decade, and I wouldn't dream of butting in on their action/spot/partnership, etc.


But after 7 or 8 days of hunting hard (and I mean hard, I lost 10 pounds in that 7 or 8 days), The Wife(™) and I have seen elk every day, and legal elk most days but just haven't managed to get a shot opportunity together. The Wife(tm) has gone home to take care of a few things, so over a campfire I happen to tell my friend how good things have gone.

Next morning, as I'm coming around a knob along the route I've been hunting for 7 or 8 days now, I run into another hunter. I realize it's my buddy's brother-in-law. They had told me in previous conversations that they'd never hunted this side of the mountain, because it's fairly cleared out and gets a lot of hunting pressure. So, now, about 6 hours after I've told my buddy that we're seeing elk every day (and they were seeing none), here's his hunting partner heading in to my spot.


I slip over and say hi. He asks which way I'm headed, and I indicate the trail I was just merging onto. He cops a very slight touch of an attitude about how that's where he was planning to hunt this morning, and why don't I take a different trail. Not really wanting to get confrontational with the guy, I say sure and head for the low trail.

That evening over a campfire, he declares that's the spot he wants to hunt the rest of the trip. I politely mentioned that that's the spot The Wife(™) and I had been pounding for a week, and more/less where I was planning to hunt, and again got a touch of attitude, this time along the lines of how this is their area and they showed it to us. My buddy keeps his mouth shut while his b-in-law pulls this, and I figure it's not worth having a fight with friends over something this dumb, I give them the ole 'whatever', and adjust my plans accordingly. Though, I was thinking, you let me hunt this side of the mountain for a week, then I let slip to you it's a great spot, and now you think it's better than your side of the mountain (and it was/is), and then run me off of it? After I've been politely staying out of your spot(s)? That's kind of B.S., seems to me.


So, of course, next day, he shoots an elk in 'my spot'. Presumably feeling bad for having pushed me out, I get invited to help pack it out and split the meat. It's 2 or 3 miles from anyplace we can get a truck into, and it's brutal work getting it out (and at night by this point), but whatever; that un-irritated me a good bit, because as I said, by this time The Wife(™) was back at home, and I probably would have called them to help me out had I shot the elk (or at least called my buddy). So, OK, whatever, I think it's kind of not cool the whole deal, but the net result is the same (meat in my freezer), so I calm down and let it slide.


Now, on the same trip, my buddy shoots the biggest whitetail of his life. For size reference, we got about 90 pounds of meat off that spike elk (roughly). He got 98 pounds of meat off that whitetail. After he shot it, he called on me to help him recover it, and due to where it was, it took us 3 hours of back breaking labor to get it out. He then asked if I'd come by their camp and show him my deboning techniques I've bragged to him about, which I did. There was just enough of a vibe I was already getting, so I figure'd I'd just keep my mount shut and see what happens. My suspicions were right, not so much as a steak off that deer did he throw my way in the year that followed.


I should interject here, that in some slight fairness to my buddy, he had mentioned to me before in general conversation that they (meaning, him and his hunting partner(s)) do split elk, but they don't usually split deer because you only get 30 or 40 pounds of meat off of one, and they're so easy to get out of the bush because they don't weigh much, etc). But, he and I had never discussed it (I was officially not one of their hunting partners, I was told before trip started), and regardless - it'd be a cold day in hell when I'd let a stranger put that kind of time/work into helping me out and not hand him some steaks for his trouble, never mind someone I considered a brother, and never mind if I didn't usually split deer because they're 'too small', and certainly not if I was sharing the recovery of the biggest deer of my life with a friend I considered a brother.


So, this year rolls around. I get asked (more/less exact quote from my buddy) "Hey, my brother-in-law and I were wondering if you wanted to come down and hunt with us again this year, that worked out pretty well last year, and we'd like to have you in our camp if you wanna come." Sure, says I, be fun to go hunting with my friend and I took that to mean that they were asking me to be one of the crew officially. The only downer was, they don't allow no women in hunting camp, so I had to leave The Wife(™) at home (frown).

At camp this year, the brother-in-law wants to hunt the same spot from last year. So, whatever, I pick another spot and the hunt commences. By nightfall, we have word on the radio that brother-in-law has shot a very nice 5 point (this is Idaho, remember, if it has antlers, it's legal). Sweet! I'm loading my stuff for the extraction when my buddy says "no, you can't go, it's at a spot we can get the ATV to, and I can't give you a ride back out once we load the meat". "No sweat, it's only about a mile from a road (and 2 miles from camp), I'll walk out when we're done" says I. "No, that's a bad plan, you stay here and watch camp" says my buddy and barrels out of camp on the ATV. Long story short, elk is so heavy on the quad, that my buddy ends up walking out and back to camp, just like I was gonna do (bad plan, eh?).


I'm pretty sure I know what time it is at this point, so I go to sleep and rest up for the morning hunt. I give them 2 days to say anything to me one way or another about the whole affair, and nothing. So, having waited long enough, I asked what the deal was, and was told that, no, they were keeping that elk to split between them… unless I shot something, then they'd come help me haul mine out and we could then split everything 3 ways. So, I'm really not at all cool with any of this at this point - if you wanna split my elk with you, but not your elk with me (which I was more than happy to help you haul out, so don't give me no crap about how I didn't help), and you weren't going to discuss that with me ahead of time…. yeah.


It was already late day, so I hunted the evening and next morning, and then started loading up my stuff. They asked what was up, and I said (truthfully) that I was tired and grumpy and dehydrated and was gonna go home and rest up, and then I was gonna head up north near the Canadian border and explore some areas to hunt I'd always wanted to check out. They were all 'oh, can you stay? We need to take the elk back to civilization, and were hoping you could watch the camp.' Umm… "no", says I. As I'm about 10 minutes away from leaving, my buddy walks over and hands me a vacuum sealed sausage (one sausage in it, about 1/2 a pound worth), commenting that 'this was from that deer that we got last year'.


Over the next week, I get a few inane texts and emails from my buddy, which I think were really just to see if I was still talking to him, and then a few days later, buddy's brother-in-law emails me all chatty and wondering how my trip up north went and so-on. Funny, he and I have never traded emails, ever, and the only way he would have my address is if my buddy gave it to him. Plus, he has my phone number, so why no call me? At this point, I'm irritated every time I see my buddys name on a text or email, so I texted him back and politely told him I'd always see him as my brother, but that I was tired of hanging around him, and lay off me please. And he (and his brother-in-law) has.


So - that's the story. I am honestly interested in all of your opinions. Am I being a whiney little bitch and pissing away a long term friendship over some stupid hunting camp B.S.? Or am I correct in viewing the situation as friends don't do friends that way, and so while I was his friend, he wasn't really my friend (probably/possibly all along).


Discuss, please.

[Ghengis Khandrey]

If you're not happy, it's not worth the drama.

[timbermilton]

I'd be honest and tell him off. Seems like your the "other" friend to him.

[OutWest]

You made the right choice by cutting ties. You got walked all over and I'm surprised you put up with it as much as you did. I couldn't hunt with guys like that.

"See ya later."

[Grumpa Joe]

Friend of convenience. As mentioned it isn't worth the drama and aggravation.

[lbmmike]

Maybe be friends, just don't hunt together? I have some good friends that I just don't do certain things with....

[835]

You arent being a Bitch... As long as the story is as you tell it.... even if you exclude the "little attitude" bits it is still crappy pool.....
You are right in walking away,, maybe one day a conversation will happen that will make your buddy understand.....

i had a falling out with a very good friend, one of my best men at my wedding...... just grew appart i guess didnt see eye to eye any more..... it sucks fr sure,, but you fel better when you just walk away and dont blow up.

[hoochie]

I fully understand your side. I have seen this type of stuff from time to time, and I even have "blood" family members that are like your buddy. They ask for help, wont return a favor etc. time and time again. I don't talk to them anymore. Too much of my time has gone to helping them, and the return is not worth the effort I put into it. How about I wash your truck, paint your fence, fix the drywall in your house, clean the garage and feed the animals.. and you buy me a $5 burger at McDicks? and we are even?

You did the right thing. If people don't make you happy to be around them, then don't be around them. it will make you miserable

[Ry151]

Sounds like your friend isnt really as close as you thought you were. Biggest red flag of the hole story is not allowing your wife along. Guy that have these sort of rules are usually "a holes" that have no problem pulling the stunts you speak of. Others may disagree but i dont hunt or hang out anywhere my wife isnt welcome! There is no reason good enough to miss out on my wifes cooking. Lol. A fly in hunt would be the only exception but i would cover her half of the costs if she wanted to go.

[hunter fisher]

well i'm no councelor, but you guys sound close enough that a blunt honest conversation is needed. tell your buddy exactly whats pissing you off. good friends are hard to come by, and if you've been friends for over 10 years, statiscally you will be friends for life. sometimes it takes a tough conversation to get things straight, but a couple uncomfortable hours over a couple beers to get things figured out sounds alot better than losing a brother. just my 2 cents

[Brez]

Ouch. Sounds like you and your wife do well together - maybe that's the way to go for now. Lots of good elk "up" by the Canadian border. You should do OK there, 'specially once we push them over the 49th.
Just for sake of talking, most of us have gone through a $hit load of hunting partners before finding one that lasts - and some never do. It's such a personal activity that it's difficult to find someone compatible. Just move on while you can still and stay friends.
Good luck with all.

[Sylus]

Life is to short to spend time with people who don't appreciate you as much as you do them.

[burger]

Cut and paste your story to him and ask him if that sounds like he was being a buddy. By the sounds of it he does not consider you an equal and although he seems to want to include you, his own selfishness will never allow you into his "crew". Your like hired help but without pay.

[Ron.C]

If you're not happy, it's not worth the drama.

X2,

I absolutely cherrish my time hunting and learned the hard way some time ago that if I'm not enjoying every aspect my hunts, something needs to change. Doesn't matter if its a partner issue, location, gear split makes no difference. Life is too short to worry about this BS. I'd move on and go my own way.

[curt]

they were using you id told them both to pound sand you are much more patient than you should be we split everything no matter what its a team game we all share I split a moose with a guy I didn't know for offering to help me gut skin and load it in my truck that just the right thing to do those two guys you speak of are pricks

[Fisher-Dude]

Your friend sounds self-centered. F him.

Your wife (tm) is hot. Ditch the dude and take your pretty wife with you next time.

[Big Lew]

I agree with most of the other comments. If your side of the story is even close to the
real situation, it seems pretty obvious that you were a friend of convenience, and never
considered to be an equal member of their hunting group. It's always best to talk over
what happens with any meat shot, how hunting spots are delegated, and even the expected
duties around camp before agreeing to go along. Although they showed you the basic
area, they weren't willing to equally share it or the spoils garnered. It would have been
interesting to see just what they expected if you were the one that had shot the elk on
your side of the mountain.

[Jagermeister]

Nice to see your post BrotherJack, albeit not particularly the circumstances.
FWIW. You're not in. You never will be in. Agreeing to split your game 3-ways but choosing to retain full share of theirs pretty well spells it out. Your odd man out and you don't need to be hit with a hammer to see that. No sense for a blunt talk, which most likely would create more animosity. Just walk away. At least you will be able to talk on occasion at a distance.
And the audacity of "horning" in to the area that you and The Wife(™) were hunting is downright ignorant. At least he should have given in to your trail selection.
You don't need hunting partners like that, just stick with The Wife(™).
Oh, and should they ask about your hunting success, be vague. You don't want them on your elbow taking over your "hunting area" again.

[M.Dean]

Just a bit too much read'in for this olde crippled up, one eyed cow poke, let me know when the movie comes out and I'll make the popcorn.

[Rob Chipman]

I would move on. The way we do it is we split the meat up evenly among whoever goes with us, and that's known before the fact.

Hunting can be a solitary affair (I'm hiking in on a solo hunt this weekend) but its more often a communal effort. Trucks need driving, dishes need washing, wood needs cutting and heavy bears need dragging uphill. The actual killing of the beast is only a small part of the job.

I remember splitting a moose years ago with a buddy where he just started chucking the meat into two coolers: "one roast for you, one roast for me, one pack of steaks for you, one for me, one pack of ground for you, one for me..." Works great.

"We don't split deer because there isn't that much meat on them"? I was out last weekend with the same buddy who divvied up the moose above. He had a doe draw, and we got one Saturday evening. Not only are we not haggling about who gets what meat, the whole effing deer is going to some pensioners who need some help. His idea, not mine. I just went along with it because its an effing great idea and he's a great guy. Get a buddy like that and bail on the other guys.

(without pics it didn't happen, I know, so here's the pic):

http://www.robchipman.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/11/Kerrys-Doe.jpg

[adriaticum]

I think your friendship was really one sided.
Just because you considered him your "brother", doesn't mean he considered you his.
You made a mistake for not agreeing on the terms of the hunt before the actual hunt.
But you did the right thing by cutting the ties with this individual.
Move on, there are better things in life than hanging around people who aggravate you.

[brotherjack]

M.Dean - Readers Digest version.

Guy I've been friends with for almost a decade (and his brother in law), jerked me around 2 years running at hunting camp. Specifics:

1) Pushed me out of the spot I'd been hunting for about a week after I had mentioned in conversation I'd been seeing elk where I was hunting. That spot was on the other side of the mountain from their usual spots, which I had been avoiding (also at their request).

2) Asked me to help haul out a 200+lb deer (98lbs of meat cut/wrapped when all done), and asked me to show off my deboning skills, which I also did. Then forgot to throw so much as a steak my way.

3) Asked me to come hunt with them this year, and then when they shot an elk told me to buzz off when I was going to help them pack.

4) When I asked them what the deal was with 3), they told me that they were not going to split the elk they shot with me, but if I shot one that they'd be happy to help me pack it out and split it with me.

After 1-4, I was irritated enough to cut ties with this guy I've been friends with since 2006 (or 7? I forget). I figure if he thought I was as good a friend as I thought he was, he wouldn't treat me like that.

That's REALLY condensed and leaves out a few important bits, but if i put all the important bits back in, it'll be long again. ;)

Thanks,

[brotherjack]

Thanks for all the feedback guys, it's much appreciated. I was kind of thinking I wasn't too far off base, but it hurt enough to have someone I considered a very close friend do me that way, that I was looking for some perspective to make sure I wasn't just being pissy because my feelings were hurt. I appreciate you all taking the time to share with me your opinions/thoughts.

And for those who asked, yes, the story is exactly the way I told it, I made up not one detail. The Wife(tm) read it over my shoulder and said I was actually being overly generous on several points.

[landphil]

From my viewpoint, you have two options.

Number one - leave things as they are, move on to better company. Probably the easiest.

Option two - sit down and hash things though with your "buddy" and see what comes of it. Tell him what pissed you off, and that you don't feel like continuing to put up with that sort of nonsense. This certainly could have the same end result as number one, but also a chance for something far better. I'm pretty sure you'd have a clear answer to the "should I still be friends?" question by the time the conversation ends. If I had a good friend I pissed off, I hope he'd tell me off for it.

Good luck either way, and good to see you back here.

[RoscoeP]

I think you have it figured out. Cheers

[Sofa King]

you did the right thing.
actually, you were too nice I think.
he was a dick I'd say, and his partner as well.
with friends like them, who needs enemies.

I have a different view on the whole meat-dividing thing.
I've never expected any meat from anyone from their animal.
for me it's all about the hunt though.
I'm not out there just wanting to fill the freezer.
hell, me and dad didn't even divvy up our animals.
and I've helped a few guys dragging out animals and never expected any more than a thanks.

it doesn't sound like he really added any real benefits to yours and your wives lives.
so it doesn't sound like any big loss at all.
life is way too short to be having any unnecessary drama added to it.
sounds like a "good riddance" situation to me.

[Buckmeister]

Hey brotherjack, long time since I've seen ya one here. Sorry to read about what has been going on, that really sucks. My biggest concern for you is to avoid resentment, as that can and will eat against you for years to come. I suggest letting your buddy know how your feeling and why. Don't expect him to apologize, but for your own peace of mind, don't let this fester. You can still be friends, but maybe not hunting buddies. Once it is off your chest in a proper way, you will feel much better about it. Just my $0.02 from one "brother" to another.

[tightgrouper]

I enjoyed this thread. I do not always get along with my closest friends and it was a relief to see that another person goes through similar situations as I have.
What a bumber when you were "told" to stay at camp.. Recovery is always one of my favourite parts of a hunt.
No ladies in camp???pffft!!! What... No colored people either???(sarcasm) Anyway. Sounds fishy to me. Not sure if those are the crew you want to be accociated with.
Sounds to me like there are some crossed lines on the game sharing. Like your friends brother was not willing to have you in his meat share but you were there with you buddy ...

[swampthing]

If a partner doesn't make your day/trip or just plain everything BETTER, don't spend time with him.

[Everett]

Adam there dicks plain and simple. If some yahoo told me I couldn't bring my wife hunting I would laugh in there face.

[Blacktailz]

doesn't sound like a buddy, let alone someone I would consider a brother....sounds like his loss

[Gateholio]

I've got friends I won't hunt with anymore. We are still friends.

[nature girl]

Hunt with the wife from now on.
I think your buddy didnt have the balls to stand up for you for the brother in law being an ass.
You can loose a good friend from this or you could go and talk to your buddy and say Ill hunt with you from now on and only you. No brother inlaw. Of course your wife is aloud to go on the hunt with your friend to and his wife is he has one to.
Even if you did help the other guys get there meat out do you really want any of that meat anyways. Wouldnt you be much happier getting your own elk or deer and you will definately enjoy it way more.
When you are out hunting with other people it is about helping people out and not expecting anything in return. This way you look like the good guy. And if they give you some meat well then that is okay.

[whitlers]

I think you are right. I left my old group for a simillar reason this season. I know what it feels like to be a friend of convenience. Didnt really realise it until the old lady pointed it out. Sucks but its not gonna change, people to take advantage of others usually always do. As for the meat I dont know what other groups are like but I always insist if everyone works on getting an animal out it should be split fairly. Just my opinion. Good luck.

[barf_fly]

Why would you want to hunt with two guys (weasels) when you have your partner by your side? Wish my wife hunted. No problem sharing the meat.

[dabber]

"To have a friend you have to be a friend", I think some people miss something here.
Lot's of good advice so far.
By the sounds of it you already have a great hunting partner, (your wife)
Hunting season is too short for this shit, so spend it with like minded others.
Hope the rest of your hunting season goes better. And if you get a nice elk or buck I hope you forward them a picture. DB

[Sofa King]

but for the meantime, forward them a picture of a big rosy full moon.

[Bugle M In]

I would have told them Straight Out what I was thinking at about the half way point of your entire story.
Wife can't go?? why??
F'm!!
The rest of the crap, being all 3 there, all 3 willing to help pack out etc...means 3 way split.
( especially when we are talking Elk and Elk meat )...deer, I could care less...keep it!, but that's me!...I would still offer to help if all 3 are on the trip together.
Writing is on the wall!

Sometimes you just have to throw out the GARBAGE!
Did that some years ago, with a so called friend as well.
Much better off now, with a new partner, and some long time friends having rejoined now!
I'm glad that other peckerhead is out, never looked back!

[lip_ripper00]

God I could not bring myself to read the OP never mind the 4 pages of drivel!!!

[Mishka]

God I could not bring myself to read the OP never mind the 4 pages of drivel!!!

Then don't bother commenting.

Brotherjack, it's unfortunate when this kind of thing happens. I would be honest with him and tell him what you think. You might still have a friend afterwards if he responds appropriately, just perhaps not a hunting partner.

[hunter1947]

Stick with your thoughts be up font with him and if he does not like it then he was never a real true friend leave all be and go on with your hunting
a true friend would understand where you are coming from....

[brotherjack]

Thanks again for all the feedback guys. A couple of responses.

To be clear, I really don't care much that he did or didn't hand over some meat. I care a little, on the grounds that I hunt for meat, but in the scope of a friendship, certainly not very much. And anyone who's seen my ample belly can attest, I'm not missing any meals. :) What I care(d) about, is that he'd treat a friend the way he did (or in some cases be party to his brother-in-law doing so). It's not so much the what he did, but what would motivate the what he did, if you get my drift.

As to sitting down and talking with him about it. I've kicked that idea around pretty hard in my own head. I have kind of resolved it like this. I ask myself, why would I talk to him? The only answer is, to salvage our friendship. It's not going to make me feel good to vent at him, and he's not going to change who he is because it pissed me off. So, next question, if the only purpose of a talk was to continue having a friendship with him, do I really want to do that? If the answer is not 'yes', then we have answered the "should I or shouldn't I talk to him about this" question with a "no". Having thought about it for a few weeks now, I think the answer is really no, no I don't think I want to salvage the friendship.

He and I have been friends long enough, there's obviously much more to the story than what I posted here (as hard as that may be to believe, if you've suffered through my long winded first post, LOL!). I'd summarize all my other reasons by saying, it's a matter of character. I'm the kind of guy who's trying to live my life in such a way that I wouldn't be ashamed for anyone to know what I do or have done when nobody's watching me (not that I haven't screwed that plan up (royally) a few times, but that really truly is the plan). He's the kind of guy who's trying to see what all he can get away with without getting caught, who brags about things he's done (without getting caught) that I would be ashamed to tell anyone. I think at the end of the day, that's a profound enough difference between us, that having now crossed the bridge of cutting ties with him, I don't really want to go back over that bridge and talk about it with him.

Keep the feedback coming, anyone else who's got a minute to post, it is much appreciated.

Thanks,
Adam/Jack

[BlacktailStalker]

Tread too lightly and risk the chance of being tread on.

Lay down the rules, reach agreements prior to hunting with anyone.

Don't "expect" that others expect to give you anything on a hunt if it wasn't talked about.

Dogs watch camp, not people, I would have went hunting.

Listen twice as much as you talk about what you're seeing, especially with people who think they "own" one side of a mountain.

Live and learn.

[Gateholio]

On the other hand, I can see why they wouldn't allow women if the first time you took your wife you called her The Wife (TM)

That could get real annoying, real fast. ;)

[adriaticum]

On the other hand, I can see why they wouldn't allow women if the first time you took your wife you called her The Wife (TM)

That could get real annoying, real fast. ;)

Lol you know how the trademarks work. You have it for a while and then it goes to the highest bidder.

[Singleshotneeded]

A good friend of mine and I have a long standing deal that we think makes sense when his dad comes along on moose/elk hunts. If it's just us, we both help getting the meat out and the LEH winner gets 60%, the other 40%. If his dad comes along too, the LEH winner gets 50%, and the other two get 25% each. With a typical 400 pounds-of-meat young moose, that gives the LEH draw winner a solid 200 pounds of meat, and the other two still wind up with the equivalent of a young buck's worth,(100 pounds). Everyone is happy and thinks it's fair. As long as you work out the deal ahead of time and stick to it like real men, not clowns, then it all works out well!

[brian]

Am I being a whiney little bitch and pissing away a long term friendship over some stupid hunting camp B.S.

There are always two sides to a story. Maybe if you told him yours you'd hear his. Then the two of you could stop being whiney bitches, unless he's really just an ass in a friends costume.

[landphil]

Brotherjack, based on your description of his character, and your certainty that he won't change who he is by you having a discussion with him on the matter, I'd have to agree with your plan to move on and find a real friend. Or hunt with the friend(TM) you have.

[tigrr]

Their loss not yours. Look ahead, not back. LIG

[rides bike to work]

I broke up with a friend about ten years ago we grew up together and I felt the relationship was one sided so I stopped calling him 10 years later he calls he crying his high maintenance wife left him and I'm his only thing close to a friend.i told him we where always friends when he calls I talk to him and if he invites me over so our kids can play we go over there. But I don't call him unless I want to borrow his quad:)

It feels good being on the alpha side of a relationship

life is short grudges arent worth holding. Let him invite you hunting again but you get first pick on hunting spots every night and all meat is shared except yours. If he's a good friend he will agree.

[lightmag]

the minute he said no women allowed and didn't welcome your wife……. id be out!!! thats just plan ignorant, add the attitude, lack of sharing meat, etc.. yup , friends off! hunting is about friends, family, outdoors and memories…. sound alike they are missing the ball on all of it!!

[.30-06 camsavbc]

Tough situation. With friends it comes down to give and take but there has to be boundaries. Your state of mind is what is at stake. If any situation is giving you anxiety then the boundary has been crossed in my opinion. You can get together with your "buddy" and discuss how you feel if you believe that is how best to clear your conscience. The cold shoulder is a pretty effective message as well.

It sounds like he is taking advantage of you because you have not set your boundaries from the beginning which has given him the opportunity to be the aggressor. The saying "squeaky wheel" applies here. You have to establish your position early on to not get trodden on over and over. You have a choice of which way to go; tell him how big of a jerk you think he has been or ignore him and move on in your life.

I personally put my family first and everyone else second. If a friend over steps my boundaries, he is done, no matter what. I don't need the drama or anxiety to interfere with my state of mind which would affect my family. Put yourself first and move on. If he is a "true friend", he would not make you feel like he has. Just my opinion.

[BearStump]

a great hunting partner is a good find. mine is dumb as soup. breaks shit all the time, always forgets stuff. I bring everything, and hes always saying how "prepared"i am. but hes got a heart of gold, and the arguement about meat would never happen with him. in the morning tgeres never an arguement about which area we should hunt. if i tell him we need to set aside 500 each for gas, he shows up with 500 for gas.. never bitches when its his turn to chop wood, even with his heart condition. and hell cook more often than not. why would i hunt with anyone else??

[HarryToolips]

Like was said, seems like your the 'other' friend...friendship werks both ways, and he ain't doin his share...I'd tell him exactly how ya feel, what he did to make ya feel that way, then tell him to f off have a good life... maybe then he'll smarten up and maybe he'll try to reconcile and he can be good friend..that way you will see how much he really values your friendship, if at all..

[monasheemountainman]

sounds like his bil is a dickface and your buddy is his bitch...id tell him that hes a prick, and why, and then id probably be his friend again but not hunt with his brother in law or him

[monasheemountainman]

actually ya your right, friends off. hunting is all about friends family and being outdoors, if you cant feel comfortable then its not right.

[Jack Russell]

I personally put my family first and everyone else second. If a friend over steps my boundaries, he is done, no matter what. I don't need the drama or anxiety to interfere with my state of mind which would affect my family. Put yourself first and move on. If he is a "true friend", he would not make you feel like he has. Just my opinion.

This is everything that needs to be said. Your friend obviously lacks complete consideration for you. Say nothing, walk on. Should you run into him, smile and wave…..there's enough enemies in the world, no need to make another.

[Edzzed]

I disagree with the NO WOMEN thing. I would not go without my wife. I have also seen enough Judge Judy episodes to see her give a good talking down to some people. And some of the expressions on their faces is comical. They just don't get it. I get it, my wife gets it but they don't see where they are in the wrong. Not saying that's you but when telling a story it's like history is always written by the victor and history is not always accurately written. If you had gone with them then you should have stipulated some ground rules like all meat gets split equally or at least equitably. By equitably I refer to something my father explained about rules for his companies fishing boats. The boat gets a share, the captain or owner gets a share and the crew members get smaller but equal shares and that would include the cook since they don't necessarily handle fish. I don't recall the formula they used but it was based on percentages. So unless you slept in their RV or used their quad or whatever then come up with percentages. What would have happened if you got 5 animals and they took ZERO or vice versa.

[knothead]

Wow, new member of the forum here so don't want to step on toes...BUT. My fishing and hunting partner is the best companion(next to my wife and kids) that I have ever had. Now over the twenty five years that I have known this guy there has been a few disagreements between us, and there has been a time or two that one or the other of us has been in the right to totally dress down the other for some idiot move or just plain selfishness, we are only human after all. We remain, a little cliché but for lack of a better word, 'best' friends. I would not consider going hunting or fishing without inviting him and him me. If he were to pull some bull$#@% stunt like you're buddy we would be having words, he would admit he was being an ahole, apologize and we would move on remaining 'best' friends, hopefully for a very long time.
In all honesty some of you guys are sounding like a bunch of women, turn on your friend for some slight rather than bring it out in the open and getting over it. Sounds just like the bull$@#% I hear from my wife when she talks about some of her friends.
This is just my opinion but in my experience good friends are not that easy to come by and honest friendships demand work from both sides and to throw one away because on this particular trip he wasn't the best friend he could be is crazy.
Confront him, if he tells you to get stuffed, well then that's when you know the importance of your friendship to him.
As I get older one of the things I find important to try to do is live life without regrets, leaving this as is will eat at you for a long time. Not worth it.

[RINO]

Sounds like your "Friend" is his Brother In-Laws Biotch...

[emerson]

Sounds like your "Friend" is his Brother In-Laws Biotch...
This. Life is too short for people in your life that don't even try to "get it".

[brotherjack]

KnotHead, I do totally hear where you're coming from, trust me. It's not like I have so many friends that loosing one isn't a (really) big deal me. I thought long and hard about it before I split with him, and I was concerned enough that I was being hasty that I posted that story here looking for opinions to see if I was out to lunch or not. So, I do hear ya. That said though, in hindsight, every time I've had dealings with this guy (ie: buying, selling, hunting, etc), I've either had to watch my back carefully, or I've gotten taken advantage of. I wouldn't treat a stranger that way, much less a close friend. So, while I have enjoyed this guys' company a lot over the years, and to be fair - he's 'been there for me' when I needed a friend to talk something over with or lend me a hand when it didn't cost him anything, I'm convinced that either he takes advantage of all of his friends without a second thought about it, or he doesn't really consider me a friend - either way, I think that makes him not the same kind of buddy as the buddy you describe of yours.

Thoughts?

[The Hermit]

IMHO

I think it is generally a good policy to be direct and honest with people. I think open and frank discussion helps to clarify things and make choices/decisions in all our relationships much easier. Its too bad you didn't have a talk with this guy really early on instead of letting those things that made you go "hummm" just slide... you probably would have saved yourself a lot of disappointment.

At this point, assuming you are not an emotional cripple or downright sociopathic, letting things stew does no good for anyone. Clearly the guy was important to you, so consider clearly informing him of your decision and specifically why you are cutting him out of your life. Otherwise you may not have emotional closure for a long time which can jaundice your own outlook on life... damaged trust can really mess with our happiness, health, and hunting!

Further, you sound like a decent person, so consider that giving him straight, to-the-point feedback MIGHT also help him make better choices and decisions in the future and maybe he won't jerk others around as much.

And people wonder why my nick name is ...

[adriaticum]

brotherjack, if your "buddy" doesn't offer you any meat on a hunt you help him haul it out, without you asking, move on.

[Ruffed]

Cut and paste your story to him and ask him if that sounds like he was being a buddy. By the sounds of it he does not consider you an equal and although he seems to want to include you, his own selfishness will never allow you into his "crew". Your like hired help but without pay.

X2

Maybe by him reading what a bunch of people have to say, he will realize what he's done and you don't lose a friend. My guess is that he knows that he's using you as per the offering of deer sausage.

[Ruffed]

Brotherjack, I'd like to invite you to be a part of our deer camp. You sound like the kind of guy that would be fun to hang out with. I can't promise you that we will share our deer with you, but if you shoot one, seeing as it's our camp, we expect to share in your good fortune. Whatdyasay?

[LongBomber]

I have had it go a couple ways. I had a "buddy" that I hunted a couple years with, had a few great hunts. We scouted pretty heavy the third year of hunting together, and had a long weekend planned to go out. He calls me a couple days before the weekend and says he can't go, I said no biggy I will just work my normal shifts and we can try again the next week. I wasn't too worried about it sometimes things happen, the weekend rolls around and I decide to go and try another valley near where we had been scouting, saving the "spot" for when both of us could go. On the way in I pass "buddy" and some relative of his coming from "the spot" after hunting two days, packing a pretty decent six point elk in the truck. Out the window of the truck I get handed my trail camera's as they took them down when they got there. What would you guys do in that case?

I have another "buddy" I hunt with sometimes. We don't have a meat splitting agreement, but he always has a "sample", like a 20 pound box, of his deer/elk/moose for me to try, even if I wasn't even on the hunt. I do the same. We never seem to have any issues.

[300H&H]

Your buddy is a dick !
You made the right call in stepping away from him.
I had to do the same thing with a close friend but it was for the best and I don't regret it.

[300H&H]

I have had it go a couple ways. I had a "buddy" that I hunted a couple years with, had a few great hunts. We scouted pretty heavy the third year of hunting together, and had a long weekend planned to go out. He calls me a couple days before the weekend and says he can't go, I said no biggy I will just work my normal shifts and we can try again the next week. I wasn't too worried about it sometimes things happen, the weekend rolls around and I decide to go and try another valley near where we had been scouting, saving the "spot" for when both of us could go. On the way in I pass "buddy" and some relative of his coming from "the spot" after hunting two days, packing a pretty decent six point elk in the truck. Out the window of the truck I get handed my trail camera's as they took them down when they got there. What would you guys do in that case?

First I would ask what he is doing with my cams.
Second I'd ask if his plans to hunt the area changed AGAIN.
Third I would not hunt with him again.