I'm not sure why I decided to lecture people about the value of good health. Maybe it's just boredom from being in the hospital and a lack of a good hunting story from my season to share.
Over the last 6 months leading up to when life threw me a bit of curveball, I was distracted by what felt like insurmountable levels of stress. At the time, I felt like I was the master of avoidance, and I felt like this was the best way of coping. I paid very little attention to what my body was trying to tell me as time went on, and I'm since paying the price of playing with fire.
Aside from the obvious, that being high levels of stress and anxiety, I was so determined to build-up my physical strength from last year for the backpack hunting I so much enjoy. I used this goal as a bit of an out though, to help me ignore the more immediate aspects of my health that I should have been addressing. For example, when I was tired, I pushed further and harder and started taking more and more workout supplements, despite struggling with sleep and it didn't take long for my sleep troubles to progress into complete insomnia. There were many days where it was all I could do to find the energy to get up off the couch, and on the rare occasion when I did sleep, I'd hit the gym or try to get back out hiking to avoid thinking about anything else.
Aside from not sleeping, the nausea that was probably attributed to a lack of sleep, at least initially, became debilitating. As time went on, I recall complaining about how nauseated I was all the time, but I would try to avoid thinking about it or the cause of my stress that started all this. Instead I'd have a glass of wine and at times make room for self pity. Towards the end of deer season, I remember there being days I no longer wanted to go despite having the flexibility of an open scheduled that most hunters dream of having. I was just too tired. I wasn't even excited when I got a beauty of a blacktail come November, and barely had the energy to butcher it.
Over the winter and leading into the spring, on days where I managed to get outside to scout or for a short shed hunt, I felt my body being depleted of every ounce of energy. The more and more I drained myself, the more nausea I experienced. On short hikes, I was sweating profusely for seemingly no reason at all, and sometimes so clumsy I kept my Inreach in sight never mind at hand. I continued to push myself though, even on days I no longer even wanted or had the physical ability to go, thinking it was good for me to get outside or that I would enjoy it once I got moving and help me to avoid dwelling on my anxiety and stress. In hindsight, it seems obvious that something was seriously wrong, but at the time this wasn't obvious to me.
Well I'll be damned....... 6 months after the onset of my stress and the progressive worsening of my symptoms, I ended up in acute liver failure. I somewhat remember my breaking point at the end of April, when I spent two full days in bed after a couple attempts to look for a yogi. When I had gone out looking for a bear, all I could do was take photos and videos because I didn't have the energy to process an animal never mind pack one out. Anyways, after two days in bed, when I managed to get myself up, I couldn't stand well but I somehow got myself downstairs and onto the couch. I thought, well shit..... I'm sick.
There is a bit of time in there that in my mind, is still unaccounted for. I know I drove myself to the ER at 230 in the morning but I started to hallucinate at some point and I'm still starting to realize that some memories are false memories from when I was admitted. I remember the doctors showing me how jaundice I was, by pulling down my eyelids. I was shocked. But I also remember finding a cute puppy on route to the hospital...something that never happened. After conducting a plethora of tests, I was advised that I was already in the advanced stages of liver and that they would do their best to find me a donor. But how could this be? I mean, I'd been tired and nauseated and surely if this was true I would have detected this???? I'm not a complete idiot. Well, avoidance doesn't pay off and I now realize it never will in the long run and the news from the doctors seemed to spiral from bad to worse over the next 24-48 hours. The internal medicine specialist was corresponding with the transplant team and I remember her saying that neither her nor my GP had ever witnessed such extreme liver enzyme levels before, like they were impressed by my body's ability to survive or something.
I truly knew I was in trouble a few weeks back and it's now the 20th of May and I'm hoping I will be going home. My liver is still failing with enzyme levels well beyond what is considered manageable, but it is no longer responding to treatment. However, as shitty as this is, I am told the liver also has an amazing ability to rejuvenate itself and possibly even recover?? Soon I hope to leave, and then it will be a game of wait-and-see while doctors monitor my liver from home. When I heard this bit of news, I initially thought to myself......oh fantastic I've been itching to check my cams. But the reality is, there is a lot more to life than hunting or any hobby for that matter.
I have read a number of posts and stories over the years from people who have had to face more traumatic and devastating challenges to their health, but I don't think you can truly appreciate how important this really is until you truly see it and feel it and even regret it. Try not to ever lose sight of what's actually important in life, whether it be your health or family, it's easy to do when you master the art of avoidance and get caught up in What for most of us, are hobbies.
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